Poetry

In the early days of Joss is a Hottie, Joss’s wife, Kai Cole, suggested that there needed to be more poetry about him, and wrote her own to start us off. If you would like to share your poetry about Joss, email it to kiba@jossisahottie.com.

Original Poem
by Kai

Joss is a red head
He has red hair (or at least he used to before he moved to LA)
He is cute
His hair is red

Joss
by Kiba Rika

Joss
Joooooossssss
J O S S
He’s really funny
Licensed products get him money
He made the world that is Buffy
Joss
Gives me hope for TV
And he is a HOTTIE!

Demon Weaver
by The Sci Fi Bard

The demon weaver, burning bright
Tells us of The Slayer’s fight
Vampires, mortals, devils, saints
Flow from worlds of which he paints
Dusk and dawn through night and day
Revelling in his work as play
Twisting tales as if they’re toys
Scaring all the girls and boys
His monsters hewn from merest words
Making normal, the absurd
He stalks the realms of evil’s lair
Keeps things he finds useful there
Then molds them to his final plan
Holds us rapt, all that he can
He wields his pen, sword in his hand
And takes us all to horrorland.

Our Joss’s Prayer
by Eli

And as I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Gossip,
I will fear no Spoiler; for Joss is with me;
His wit and fierce emotion shall comfort me;
He gives me great TV in the presence of wrestling and Big Brother;
He anoints my Tuesdays with Willow and Wesley, my laughter and tears overflow;
Surely Joss will sustain me all the days of my TV watching and I will follow his career forever.
Amen.

2 B Joss
by A Joss Fan

If I could be any man in the world
I’d be a man called Joss
With his cheeky grin he pulls all the girls
And he gets lots of money from Fox

He created Buffy, the greatest show on TV
He’s a genius in our time
His films are so good, you just have to go see
And he is also lovely and kind

Yes, any man would be proud to be Joss
And every woman would love to be his wibe
He has a nice smile, he may use floss
He emits a loving vibe

But Then Joss Got High
by Liz Marie

(Mixed voices in the background, Joss comes out with some kind of cigarette while the cast looks on)
Spike: (whispering) It’s like, he doesn’t care about anything, man.
Dru: (holds onto Miss Edith, cowering) He frightens my dollies.
Willow: (turns to Xander) Me too, Dru. How about you, Xander?

Xander: I was going to turn out gay, until Joss got high….
I was supposed to be suave and debonair, but then Joss got high…
My taste in clothes still sucks, and I know why….
Everyone: Why?
Xander: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Willow: I was gonna be the dumb one, but then Joss got high….
I was supposed to be a headbanger punk, until Joss got high…
Now I’m a magic lesbian, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Willow: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high…

Oz: I was only a blond, but then Joss got high….
I was supposed to be permanent, before Joss got high…
Now I get a shout out once a season, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Oz: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Giles: I was gonna wear all polyester, before Joss got high…
I was gonna have a French accent, but then Joss got high…
Now there’s still a stick up my @$$, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Giles: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Amy: My mom was in P.T.A., until Joss got high…
I was President of Chess Club, but then Joss got high…
Now I’m a rat in a cage, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Amy: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Tara: I completed full sentences, until Joss got high…
I was going to have a show on Lifetime, but then Joss got high…
Now I have naughty buffybot dreams and I know why….
Everyone: Why?
Tara: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Joyce: I was gonna have a normal dating life, before Joss got high…
Laundry Day wasn’t my most dangerous day, but then Joss got high…
Now I’m worm food, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Joyce: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Cordelia: I was Homecoming Queen, before Joss got high…
I had hair down to my butt, until Joss got high…
Now Daddy’s in Leavenworth, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Cordelia: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Angel: I had some balls, but then Joss got high…
I wasn’t the Magnificent Poof before Joss got high…
Now Manilow’s my GOD, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Angel: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high…

Dru: I was afraid of the dark, until Joss got high…
I was going to be the next President!, but then Joss got high…
Now there’s going to be a terrible duel, and I know why!
Everyone: Why?
Dru: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Spike: I was a vampire who could always get it up, before Joss got high…
Robots weren’t made for wild crazy monkey lovin’, but then Joss got high…
Now I’m trading my Desoto for a minivan, and I know why…
Everyone: Why?
Spike: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Riley: I wasn’t Maggie’s butt monkey, but then Joss got high…
Brazilian chimpanzees never molested me, until Joss got high…
Now I’m Freddie Prinze Jr.’s comic relief and I know why….
Everyone: Why? Riley: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

Buffy: I was gonna live past 25, until Joss got high…
The guys I was with would have a spine, but then Joss got high…
Now I’ve drowned, plummeted to my death and I’m still alive….
Everyone: Why?
Buffy: Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high, Cause Joss got high… la da da da da da da

[Joss comes forward, a lot of smoke around him, and everyone scatters, some hiding themselves, some falling into the fetal position. Joss just laughs cruelly.]
Joss: Buffy was gonna be an accountant, but then I got high…
My name was originally Josh, until Dad got high…
Now I’m the RULER OF THE UNIVERSE! And I know WHY!
Everyone: You know we don’t care, you keep giving us happy times and then make us all cry and it’s just tugging on our emotional heart strings too much. Would you just— Joss: (Smacking them upside the head) WHITE BOY RAPPING HERE! I must be high, I must be high, I must be high… (Walks off laughing) HAHA! I’M NOT THE NERD IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE AM I, BEOTCH?

Buffy: (making sure he’s not there) Okay, guys, let’s jet.
Giles: But you’re the slayer, can’t you stop him?
Buffy: What are you kidding me? He has more lives than I do. Let’s just hope he stays away from the… (a clatter in the background) Oh, god, he’s found the type writer.
Xander: (rolls his eyes at a now sobbing Riley) I’m out of here. This song is never gonna get us enough money to run to Canada…

Untitled Poem
by Hollie Hot Chips

Joss is so sexy,
Joss is so fine,
He always has a plan for us,
And he never crosses the line.

Joss makes us laugh,
Joss makes us cry,
He almost made me piss my pants,
When he made Buffy die.

His voice is so wonderful,
His chubby cheeks so cute,
And you can bet with his skills,
He makes a lot of loot.

Oh Joss,
Yes Joss.

Untitled Poem
by Algerina

There once was a writer named Joss
Of Buffy he was known as the Boss
But he wrote a story
that wasn’t too gory
and almost won an award, by gosh

Untitled Poem
by Shade of Bronze

To the genius of Joss what can I say?
Creator of Buffy and futuristic Fray.
Impacting our lives with slayer whup.
Infecting our language, can he vague that up?
Muchly thankful for the Buffyverse way.

Untitled Poem
by Rikki

It would take so long to sing your praises
More time than I have by far
So in my own inimitable English way
Can I just say a great big TA!

Still a Hottie
by Ally

He’s caused heartache and pain
when Angel went insane
and we wept
when Oz left
We all bawled when we watched “The Body”
But no matter how many times he makes us cry
Joss is Still a hottie

Yet Another Joss Poem
by L. C. Sulla

Once upon a time, there was a Joss,
And what a Joss was he.
He wrote his way
Through many a day,
But never saw what he wanted to see.

The women he saw on TV every day
Were so callow and sad and gray.
How he longed to see
A girl kick ass with glee
And he struck out to make it that way.

And so Buffy appeared
To many a cheer
And the masses did rejoice and sing.
And Joss did find when he looked behind
That he had really found his thing.

So Joss was glad,
And he knew it was mad
But there was another show in the deal!
“Oho!” said he, “the powers that be
Must be asleep behind the wheel.”

But his modesty was misplaced
As Angel wasn’t a disgrace,
And he knew it wasn’t just a fad.
“So maybe we’ll see if I can go with three,
And then the power will have driven me mad!”

So Joss cackled in delight and the very next night
Firefly was born and raised.
But now three shows were on
And he feared his brain gone
As he found himself rather dazed.

“Whatever, whatever, whatever shall I do?
I’m working so hard,
My brain is now goo!
Heck, I know what I need to make my mind go,
It’s got to be yet another new show!”

And so the great mind whirs and clacks
What will come next, you all may ask?
He’ll tell all when he’s ready
(Without sounding phlegmy)
But don’t you think this man deserves a damn Emmy?

Joss
by sloth

Joss is a man
A man among boys.
I love his smile
His laugh brings me joy.

My friends think he is a timid entity
Without Joss´ love, the world is empty.

I think I love Joss more than life itself,
For his friendship, I would gladly sacrifice myself.

This may sound a little over the top,
But Joss´ appearance makes my jaw drop.

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Much Ado About Nothing (Movie)
To be released in limited markets on June 7, 2013 and more widely on June 21, 2013
Joss Whedon adapted and directed this film version of the Shakespeare comedy.
Information | IMDb | Official Site

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Pilot wrapped and picked up
Joss Whedon co-wrote and directed this pilot for a potential ABC series set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Information | IMDb | Fb

In Your Eyes (Movie)
In post-production
Joss Whedon wrote this film, "a metaphysical love story about two seemingly polar opposites who are deeply connected in ways neither could have ever imagined." (deadline.com)
Information | IMDb

The Avengers 2 (Movie)
Scheduled for release May 1, 2015
Joss Whedon is writing and directing this sequel to the Marvel film, The Avengers.
Information | IMDb

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog 2 (Web)
Pre-production
Joss Whedon will collaborate with the team from the first Dr. Horrible to bring us this sequel. Someday.
Information | Official Site

Wastelanders (Web)
Pre-production
Joss Whedon is collaborating with Warren Ellis to create this apocalyptic web short.

Calendar

May 29, 2013 - An Evening with Joss Whedon at the Lincoln Center Film Society


May 30, 2013 - An Evening with Joss Whedon at the Brooklyn Academy of Music


June 4, 2013 - Much Ado About Nothing at the USC School of Cinematic Arts


June 5, 2013 - Much Ado About Nothing at the Oscars Outdoors


June 7, 2013 - Much Ado US Limited Release


June 12, 2013 - Joss in Conversation at the British Film Institute


June 14, 2013 - Much Ado UK Release


June 21, 2013 - Much Ado US Wide Release


July 11, 2013 - Much Ado Australian Release


October 7, 2013 - Much Ado UK Blu-Ray/DVD Release


May 1, 2015 - The Avengers 2 US Release

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Open since September, 2000
Maintained by Kiba

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