kiba the diva

LYLAS!

After months of dithering about, I’ve decided to get in on Gala Darling‘s Radical Self Love project. I’m working my way through her guide to radical self love.

True story: For all that I’m a self-endeared egomaniac, I’ve got beaucoups insecurity. (Don’t we all?) I’m super judgmental of everybody, but most especially of me. And most especially since I graduated from library school. Because in school, it’s pretty easy to tell if you’re a rock star. There’s grades, and people being impressed with you, and feeling precocious. Once you’re out in the world, it’s hard to know if you’re still a rock star or not. I mean, it’s hard to get a job, and once you do get it, um, hi, there’s a learning curve. And me being me, I’m uncomfortable with a learning curve. I want to be good at it NOW. I love to learn. I just don’t want to need to, you know?

Anyway. This has manifested as me being especially hard on myself of late, in just about every field, at the same time as I’m trying to go easy on myself for the sake of my health.

So. Radical Self Love. Let’s get back on topic here. It’s a thing I need, due to the aforementioned being self-critical and whatnot. And the first assignment once you’ve found your notebook to serve as a Radical Self Love Bible (mine has a shiny blue cover with holographic circle and square patterns!) is to write an invocation, to sort of set your intentions for this whole Radical Self-Love thing.

So I thought about it. And, you know, some people are into self-marriage, which is rockin’, but not my thing.

But I thought, What if I were to love myself like a sister? I love my sister the most. If other people say mean things about my sister it ticks me right off. If other people indicate I have things in common with my sister, I’m immensely flattered. If I were to treat myself the way I treat my sister, I’d be treating myself pretty great maybe 95% of the time. (The other 5% I’d be offering myself all that’s left in empty soda cans, telling myself I’m stupid for being self-critical, and being very jealous of my singing voice. Which might work for me too, now that I think about it. Well the empty soda can thing is pretty mean, but the other stuff.)

So there’s my intention for Radical Self Love. I’m going to love me like a sister. We’ll see how it goes!

Things Done This Life

My friend Sonja made a 30-before-30 list, Goddess Leonie keeps a Things to Do This Life list, but as I think about all the things I want to do still I get overwhelmed. So I find what helps is to think about all the great things I’ve already done, many by crazy random happenstance, and realize that if I can do those things, I can do lots of future things, too. So here’s a list of whatever comes to mind right now, which I intend to update in the future:

1. Acted in or been involved with over 30 theatrical productions. Sometimes as many as 4 or 5 at a time.
2. Kept correspondence with two of my heroes (Piers Anthony and Joss Whedon).
3. Held a costumed Phantom of the Opera sing along.
4. Hosted a red carpet Tony Awards party.
5. Sung karaoke. A lot.
6. Taken voice lessons.
7. Taken dance lessons.
8. Gone to law camp.
9. Produced a play.
10. Written, produced, and acted in a sketch with my sister, who is my favorite person.
11. Written hundreds of pages for school assignments.
12. Won the Dean’s Achievement Award!
13. Figured out how to use IBM’s SPSS statistics software to interpret data from a survey.
14. Taught hundreds of high school students Latin. (Probably only in the realm of 300 or so but still.)
15. Written in English and translated into Latin a 10-minute skit with epic and romance elements.
16. Planned a beautiful beach wedding.
17. Had my gall bladder removed and, in a drug-addled state, insisted that I am an actress and that they placed a large saltwater shark tank where my gall bladder used to be.
18. Been mistaken for a real fairy by a little girl at the Renaissance Faire.
19. Hosted a fairy picnic.
20. Sung “Part of Your World” while wearing a mermaid costume, and refused to walk onstage but instead had boys carry me on, since mermaids can’t walk.
21. Designed, patterned, and sewn a dress.
22. Learned to play an instrument (alto saxophone).
23. Crocheted a lot of stuff.
24. Flown to LA to meet friends from the Internet.
25. Made many delicious cupcakes.
26. Also made many delicious dinners.
27. Designed several websites.
28. Graduated from UNC three times.
29. Planned an awesome surprise Lilo and Stitch birthday party for Alana.

…there are more, but that’s enough for now.

Go do it: Beltane Faerie Picnic

I one time had a fortune cookie that said: “Some people never have anything except ideas. Go do it.”  It stayed on my home office corkboard for a long time.  But at some point the corkboard started to fall apart, and I took it down, and I don’t know where that fortune has gone.  And I’ve gotten away from going and doing, because I’ve been in school where reading and planning is the thing.

Fairy Me, taken by Holly Thugut

But my friend Kathy recently introduced me to Goddess Guidebook, where the magical Goddess Leonie writes beautiful things.  As I read Leonie’s archives about her wonderful picnics with friends and magical goddess gatherings, I was reminded to GO DO IT.  I have always been a person who learns and reads and plans.  And when I really commit to doing something, it’s usually pretty great – but I often never get to that stage.

Fairy Erin, taken by Holly Thugut

Inspired by Leonie’s magical ways, I decided to try something different.  I decided that I have lots of friends who like to dress like faeries, and that it would be lovely to have pictures of all of us in our fey garb together.  So I “hosted” a faerie picnic, rather than just thinking about how it might someday be nice to do so.  How to host a faerie picnic:

1. Pick a date and time.

2. Pick a place.

3. Tell your friends.

4. Get or make some wings.

5. Pick up some food.

6. Go to the place on the date at the time.

7. Have a beautiful day!

Pirate Mike and Devil Will, taken by Holly Thugut

It was a wondrously magical day and we were approached by several “mundanes” who wanted to know why we were dressed up.  Some thought we were performance artists, others just thought we were “theatre people” (many of us are but that isn’t what caused us to do this).  We had fun explaining that we felt like having a faerie picnic, and so we did.

Fairy Mary Elisabeth, taken by Holly Thugut

The whole event was a great success, not only because there was a brilliant climbing tree, but also because Caitlyn brought her devil sticks which many of us tried and it also drew in many people who were not there for our picnic but had just come to the gardens on their own.  I highly recommend you host your own faerie picnic.

Fairy Sarah, taken by Will

Using Goddesses as Reminders

So, I said I was going to talk about spirituality stuff, and here I am.  I wanted to talk a little about the 3 goddesses I honor in my house, and what they mean to me.  Over time you’ll discover, if you haven’t figured it out already, that my belief system is incredibly self-centered.  I feel that what I feel is right is right for me.  I’m not interested in ritual, but I am interested in symbolism.

My wedding anniversary is July 22, which is the Roman feast holiday for Concordia, the goddess of harmony, especially marital harmony.  (She’s also known as Harmonia or Aneris.)  I’ve placed a picture of her on the fridge in my kitchen.  Concordia reminds me that the sacred is present in the mundane, that when I cook or clean it is an act of love and a blessing to my household, and that my husband deserves to be treated as well as I know how, as he is my equal partner in life.  What do I mean by that?  Well, there are a lot of people who take out their frustrations on their home and their family, because they’re comfortable with them.  Concordia reminds me that doing that is the exact opposite of what I find desirable, and that the people I love the most are the people who deserve the best treatment from me.  Which is not to say that other people deserve to be treated ill.

In my home office/craft room, I have a statue of Minerva (Athena), whose aspects as goddess of wisdom and crafts appeal to me.  Athena was used as a hall pass for some time, so she has the energy of my students bound up with her as well.  She reminds me to learn and try new things, and inspires me to create fearlessly.  (I haven’t succeeded at that yet but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually.)

In my bedroom, I have a Serenity woman statue, which I use to represent Luna (Selene), relevant to the bedroom because of her lunar associations and also because in mythology, she kept her lover Endymion asleep forever.

Keeping images of these three goddesses in the house reminds me of the things I want to do in a very visual and visceral way.  I want to manage the household lovingly, learn and create fearlessly, and rest peacefully.

Spirituality: A Manifesto

I like to be playful in many areas of life, and spirituality is one of them.  I don’t want to dwell lengthily on details of religion, but I anticipate posting here about some stuff in the spirituality realm in the future, and thus I wanted to provide a bit of context.

What do I believe?

If pressed, I will classify myself as an agnostic existentialist humanist.  What do I mean by that?  The agnostic part means I don’t feel comfortable declaring the presence or absence of a deity/deities in the universe, because I just can’t seem to comprehend the universe well enough to do so.  The existentialist part means that I think stuff happens, good and bad, and I’ve not found any evidence of an organizing principle – good stuff happens to both good and bad people, bad stuff happens to both good and bad people, and I’d only make myself crazy if I pursued an understanding of patterns in that.  And humanist means that I think people are capable of great achievements – not that they always live up to that capability, but it’s there.

My two guiding philosophies in life come from films of my childhood:

“Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

“Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes.”  - Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Do I always achieve these?  Nope.  I worry about stuff, I rush through life, and I’m sometimes unkind.  But they’re what I’m striving for – appreciating the world around me, treating other folks nicely, and having fun.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’d like to establish further that I find value in many belief systems.  I think there are archetypes that speak to our deepest intuition.  I believe in the power of symbols and stories.  So a lot of times you’ll see me talking about deities or totems.  Understand that when I talk about these, I’m speaking of them more as reminders of things in life than of things with inherent and independent divinity.

Basically, know that I consider spirituality and self-knowledge part of lifestyle, and I intend to play with them in much the same way I might play with yarn or food or polymer clay.

Hypoallergenic Eating: Spiced Chicken Breast with Roasted Butternut Squash and Broccoli

I’m using the Saving Dinner 28 Day Break Free Plan to check myself for food sensitivities.  Breakfast tends to gross me out because I got this 8-in-1 greens + hemp protein powder which is just so gritty and a hideously unappetizing color, but it tastes fine in spite of the ugly color and strange texture, which I think I can fix by just using only one scoop instead of two in all of the recipes.  But, because it’s Leanne Ely, dinner looks to always be wonderful and delicious.  Here’s the first one I tried:

Spiced Chicken with Roasted Butternut Squash and Broccoli

It was a resounding success.  The chicken is sauteed with a rub of spices on it, and then topped with avocado.  The squash and broccoli are tossed in olive oil and roasted.  I add lemon juice to the broccoli.  This is pretty much the only way I can stand to eat cooked broccoli.

Please don’t ask for the recipe – I’m respecting Leanne’s IP rights here.

On a related note, how much am I in love with Trader Joe’s?  So much.  The squash and broccoli I bought pre-washed and chopped.  The chicken was the only part of this meal that was any real work, and even that was very easy.  Yay!

February Amigurumi: Nonspecific Cephalopod

My friend Stuart celebrated the anniversary of his natal day in February, and in honor of the blessed event I created for him a yarn-based lifeform in a cephalopod shape.  I used this baby octopus pattern and some kind of baby yarn but I don’t recall which.  I’ve selected this of all the pictures Stuart sent me because I like how the creature is situated in front of some strange kind of pirate Maneki Neko, which beckons you so thoroughly it must use both of its front paws.